Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
