One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
where are my eyebrows?
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