now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
