his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
you made out with another girl for some wings
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
