oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
