p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
