There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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