I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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