pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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