so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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