I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
