he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Houston, we have a blender
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
