Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Alive.
So much puke
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
