things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize