your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
