I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
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drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
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You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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