Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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