On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
