Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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