...so i touched it.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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