The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
