someone get that fucking seahorse.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
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After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
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Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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