Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
