Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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