Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
