I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
