Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
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Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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