You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
