dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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