Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
