no, he came in my armpit
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I still have a little drunk in my system
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
