I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
