You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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