You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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