i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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