Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
