I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
