8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
