Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
