dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
