If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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