He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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