I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
