fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
