You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
