someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dick very happy bro
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
