You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
