I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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