drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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