His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
