i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
