I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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