I cockslap morals
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
