So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
