Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
