I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
