Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
