Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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