Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
