How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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