so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
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I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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