Since when is my name a synonym for head?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
