just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
