College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
