yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
