Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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