Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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