I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
