I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
