I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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