i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
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dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
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So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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