She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
