I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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