The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
