I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
