You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
