Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
