would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
